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The-simpsons

If he can teach a class, then he can teach a class! I mean, I can teach a class!

Homer

Homer: Well, I'm opposed to the whole thing! Damn opposed!
Bart: He's damn opposed! Damn damn damn opposed!

I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple!

Grampa

Mr. Burns: Why, it's Fred Flintstone and his lovely wife, Wilma! Oh, and this must be little Pebbles! Mind if I come in? I brought chocolates.
Homer: Yabba-dabba-doo!

I'm in love... no wait, it's a stroke.

Grampa

(Bart answers the door)
Man: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: That's me.
Man: (Punches Bart in the face.) Don't write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra.
(doorbell rings Bart answers it)
Teenager: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: Uh that's me.
Teenager: (Punches Bart in the face.) Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!
(Doorbell rings)
Man: (Through door) Homer Simpson! I've got a uh special delivery for you.
Bart: Go away.
Man: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson I cannot give you your special delivery.
(Bart sees it's his animation cell he ordered.)
Man: Here's your special delivery.
Bart: Thanks...
Man: (Punches Bart in the face.) And that's for keeping me waiting.

Bart: (Imitating Grampa and Jacqueline) Don't forget the Smeckler's powder.
Grampa and Jacqueline: Don't make fun!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa

Marge: Homey, you know, it's funny. Both my mother and your father seem pretty lonely.
Homer: (chuckling) That is funny.

Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky, they send you a prize.

Grampa

Lisa: Hey, where's Grampa? Wasn't he invited to the wedding?
Bart: Yeah. But his reply envelope just had a check to the gas company in it.

Roger Myers Jr.: I'm proud to offer your viewers these hand-drawn Itchy and Scratchy animation cells. Each one is absolutely, positively, one hundred percent guaranteed to increase in value.
Voiceover: (very quickly) Not a guarantee.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

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