The Simpsons

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The simpsons
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Homer: Lisa you're smart, help me trick her into taking me back!
Lisa: Dad, you can't trick somebody into loving you. There's a reason two people come together and stay together - there's something they give each other that nobody else can give them. If you wanna get Mom back, you'll just have to remember what you give her that no one else can.
Homer: I'll pay you forty dollars if you think of it for me.
Lisa: No.
Homer: Okay thirty.

Mr. Burns: Why, it's Fred Flintstone and his lovely wife, Wilma! Oh, and this must be little Pebbles! Mind if I come in? I brought chocolates.
Homer: Yabba-dabba-doo!

I'm gonna smooch her like a mule eating an apple!

Grampa

Homer: Well, I'm opposed to the whole thing! Damn opposed!
Bart: He's damn opposed! Damn damn damn opposed!

I'm in love... no wait, it's a stroke.

Grampa

Mrs. Bouvier: I swear, Monty, you are the devil himself.
Mr. Burns: I...Who told you?! ...Oh, ah, yes.

Roger Myers Jr.: I'm proud to offer your viewers these hand-drawn Itchy and Scratchy animation cells. Each one is absolutely, positively, one hundred percent guaranteed to increase in value.
Voiceover: (very quickly) Not a guarantee.

Grampa: Would it be all right with you if I just laid down in the street and died?
Lawyer: Yes, that would be acceptable.

Marge: He's an awful, awful, awful man! I guess if he makes Mom happy, that's all that really matters.
Homer: That's right, money. Your money's happiness is all that moneys.

Mr. Burns: Bravissimo, Luigi! Bring us your finest bottle of vino!
Luigi: Hey, you trust-ah Luigi, huh? He knows-ah what for to make-ah really nice the amore.
Jackie: Oh, Monty, I've never been to a more romantic restaurant.
Luigi: (Entering kitchen) Hey, Salvatore! Break out the cheap hooch for Mr. No-Tip and the dried-up-ah zombie he's-ah captured!

Bart: (Imitating Grampa and Jacqueline) Don't forget the Smeckler's powder.
Grampa and Jacqueline: Don't make fun!

Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky, they send you a prize.

Grampa
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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