The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 5 Episode 21: "Lady Bouvier's Lover"

Grampa: You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Roger Myers Jr.: I'm proud to offer your viewers these hand-drawn Itchy and Scratchy animation cells. Each one is absolutely, positively, one hundred percent guaranteed to increase in value.
Voiceover: (very quickly) Not a guarantee.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: He's an awful, awful, awful man! I guess if he makes Mom happy, that's all that really matters.
Homer: That's right, money. Your money's happiness is all that moneys.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Grampa: La...tex...con...dome. Boy I'd like to live in one of those!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: My darling, since my kneecaps are filling with fluid as we speak, I'll be brief. Will you marry me?
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: I'm going to keep the Mary Worth phone right here. Her stern but sensible face will remind me never to do anything so stupid again.
(it rings and Bart answers it)
Milhouse: Hey Bart, you want to go play with that X-ray machine in the abandoned hospital?
Bart: Sure!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: He's an evil man.
Mrs. Bouvier: Evil, shmevil, Marge. Monty can provide for me. And besides, he's a great kisser.
Homer: Ew, yuck!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: Bravissimo, Luigi! Bring us your finest bottle of vino!
Luigi: Hey, you trust-ah Luigi, huh? He knows-ah what for to make-ah really nice the amore.
Jackie: Oh, Monty, I've never been to a more romantic restaurant.
Luigi: (Entering kitchen) Hey, Salvatore! Break out the cheap hooch for Mr. No-Tip and the dried-up-ah zombie he's-ah captured!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bart and Lisa: (Singing dull) Hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs.
Grampa: Sing it like you mean it!
(Grampa plays harmonica and the kids sing it with style.)
Bart and Lisa: What kind of kids eat Armour Hot Dogs?
Bart: Fat kids.
Lisa: Skinny kids.
Bart: Kids who climb on rocks.
Lisa: Tough kids.
Bart: Sissy kids.
Milhouse: (Sticks head from the window.) Even kids with chicken pox love--
Family: Hot dogs, Armour Hot Dogs.
(Grampa stops playing harmonica.) The dogs kids love to bite!
Lisa: Doesn't this family know any songs that aren't commercials?
(Everyone except Lisa starts singing the "Chicken Tonight" jingle.)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Patty: Hello, everyone except Homer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Troy McClure: Hello! I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as The Boatjacking of Supership 79 and Hydro: the Man With the Hydraulic Arms.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 20: "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"

Otto: The regular school bus broke down, so take a seat before I blow your heads off!
 • Rating: Unrated

Milhouse: I lost all feeling in the left side of my body.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marge: Your Uncle Arthur used to have a saying. "Shoot em' all and let God sort it out." Unfortunately, one day he put his theory into practice. It took 75 federal marshals to bring him down. Now, let's never speak of him again.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Freddy Quimby: That's chowdah! Chowdah! I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you! Especially those of you in the jury!
 • Rating: Unrated

Helen Lovejoy: Heh, this won't take long. He's clearly guilty. We'll probably be home by dinner time.
Jasper: Good. I hear the dog from Frasier is going to ride the dolphin on SeaQuest.
 • Rating: Unrated

Principal Skinner: Why, there are no children here at the 4H club, either! Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: (about Principal Skinner) Oh my God, he is like some sort of ... non ... giving up ... school guy!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chief Wiggum: Oh my God! Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispie square! Oh yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten.
 • Rating: Unrated

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