Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

TV Announcer: Just do it!
Homer: AAAAAHHH!
TV Announcer: Examine your scalp for ringworm!

Homer: (writing on his hand) Mindy, because of our uncontrollable attraction, I think we should avoid each other from now on.
Lenny: (writing on his hand) Max, what I did was because of alcohol and anger...
Guy with huge hand: (writing on his hand) I am tired of these jokes about my giant hand. The first such incidence occurred in 1956 when...
Mindy: Hi Homer!
Homer: Mindy! Uh...Ahem...
Homer's Brain: Oh no, I'm sweating like Roger Ebert...
Homer: Mu...Murphy... You, you are an elf... uncontrollably... I think!

Hotel Manager: And there's your king size bed for--(Makes various sexy noises).
Homer: Stop that, I love my wife and family. All I'm gonna use this bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort!

Ned: Kids did anybody pray for giant shoes!?
Rod: I did!
Ned: Okaley Dokely!

Charlie: Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit!
Mr. Burns: Why, that's a fabulous idea! Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe?

Lenny: Aw, if they hire a woman we won't be able to spit on the floor.
Carl: And we can't take off our pants when it gets real hot.
Homer: And we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain.
(Lenny and Carl stare at him)
Homer: Er, I mean, not--you know, if we wanted to--not that I ever did.

Newton: Homer, I'm your guardian angel. I've assumed the form of someone you'd recognize and revere: Sir Isaac Newton.
Homer: Sir Isa-who-who?

Lisa: Dad, why are you singing?
Homer's Brain: Tell a lie, tell a lie.
Homer: Uh, because I have a small role in a Broadway musical. It's not much, but it's a start.
Homer's Brain: (sarcastically) Bravo. (slow clapping)

Mindy: Well, desserts aren't always right.
Homer: But they're so sweet!

Even the Chinese are against me.

Homer

Labor Inspector: This plant violates every labor law in the book. We found a missing Brazilian soccer team working in your reactor core!
Mr. Burns: That plane crashed on my property!

(about Mindy) Temptress! I also bet she thinks that Ziggy has gotten preachy over the years.

Homer
Displaying quotes 373 - 384 of 624 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

×