The Simpsons

The Simpsons Season 5 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 5 Episode 18: "Burns' Heir"

(Homer wants to keep Hans Moleman as a replacement for Bart.)
Homer: (Kisses Moleman's head.) It's like kissing a peanut.
Marge: Homer, I want that thing out of my house.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(After a THX sound effect has destroyed the cinema.)
Grandpa: Turn it up! Turn it up!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: I propose to you that your heir not need be a boy. In this phallocentric society of ours--
Mr. Burns: I don't know what phallocentric means, but no girls!
Milhouse: (dressed as a girl) So much for Plan B.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart: (reading cue cards) Hello, Mr... Kurns. I bad want... money now. Me sick.
Homer: Ooh, he card reads good.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Homer: Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mr. Burns: Now that you've agreed to reap the windfall of my death, I must return to my large, empty mansion to rattle around and await the inevitable ... alone.
Marge: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Homer: Yeah. Let's push him down the steps.
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I will not stand idly by and watch you feed a hungry dog!
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: I suggest you leave immediately.
Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs, or the bees, or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lionel Hutz: I've argued in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Burns: He's the perfect one to suckle at my proverbial teat.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 17: "Bart Gets an Elephant"

Homer: Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth.
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Helen Lovejoy: That animal of yours is certainly bad-tempered.
Lisa: Yeah, well you'd be grumpy, too if you were taken out of your natural habitat and gawked at by a bunch of slack-jawed yokels.
Cletus: (Pointing at Lisa) Hey, Ma! Look at that pointed-haired-ed little girl! (Chuckles)
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Homer: I only have two questions... how much and give it to me.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marge: (Talking about Stampy) Gosh, I thought he'd be happier in his true habitat.
Warden: Oh, I think he is.
Marge: Then why is he attacking all those other elephants?
Warden: Well, animals are not like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they've had a hard life, or have been mistreated. But, like people, some of them are just jerks--Stop that, Mr. Simpson.
(The camera pans to show Homer repeatedly head butting the warden.)
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Grampa: Hey, they're playing the elephant song.
Jasper: I love that. Reminds me of elephants.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Bart: I'm tired. I'm hungry. Can't we just get a new house?
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Chief Wiggum: Help! Help us! They stole our uniforms guns and tazers!
Snake: (in a police uniform) Ohhhhh, Fry piggy. (charges tazer)
Chief Wiggum: No, no -- no don't -- aargh! Aargh! A little to the left... aah, that's the stuff.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

(Homer hits a steel deer statue with his car)
Homer: D'oh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Homer: Heh, heh. Shazzam.
 • Rating: Unrated

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