(on being 'made') I deserve it. Got no spleen, Gene!

Christopher

Tony: I had a dream I fucked your brains out. Right on that desk, and you loved it.
Dr. Melfi: Well, you threw that at me like a rock.

Skip: I know. I know. Tony is your best friend.
Big Pussy: President Franklin is my best friend and he's in [the envelope].

Guys... not the face?

Big Pussy

Carmela: Your father is sick.
Meadow: Oh, my God, daddy. What happened?
Carmela: He went to an Indian restaurant.
Meadow: That is so racist.

Dr. Melfi: So who's your friend? Pussy?
Tony: I'm confused.
Dr. Melfi: Is Pussy your friend?
Tony: Yeah.
Dr. Melfi: But that's the friend who was almost carried off by the ducks, right?
Tony: When you say pussy do you mean my friend Pussy or do you mean pussy?
Dr. Melfi: Whatever seems to be dominating your thoughts.
Tony: I got pussy on the brain. I always do.

(to Richie) Those who want respect, give respect.

Tony

(on Richie) I genuinely don't think there's anything to gain by keeping him around.

Silvio

(Tony mentions he's breaking it off with Irina)
Dr. Melfi: I'm interested in why you're ending it.
Tony: What do you mean why? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do? Aren't you telling me that all the time in here?
Dr. Melfi: I don't think I've ever passed judgment on your sex life or any patient's sex life.

Janice: What did you do with...[Richie's body]?
Tony: (deadpan) We buried him... on a hill... overlooking a little river... with pine cones all around.
Janice: You did?
Tony: (irritated) Come on, Janice! What the fuck do you care what we did with him?

You're putting me in a position where I'm feeling sorry for a whore who fucks you?! You know what's even stranger-for a second I believed you.

Carmela

Tony: What is that?
Irina: Chicken Soup for the Soul.
Tony: You should read Tomato Sauce for your Ass. It's the Italian version.

The Sopranos Quotes

Paulie: You didn't go to hell. You went to purgatory, my friend.
Christopher: I forgot about purgatory.
Paulie: Purgatory--a little detour on the way to paradise.
Christopher: How long do you think we've got to stay there?
Paulie: That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven and 6,000 years is nothin' in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.

Christopher: Let that one (points to Sandra Bernhard) call that one (points to Janeane Garofalo) "buchiach."
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds more interesting.
Director: Uh, buch- what?
Christopher: Buchiach. (motions to Sandra) If she's from Brooklyn...
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds okay.
Jon Favreau: Okay, let's roll. What does it mean?
Christopher: Cunt.
Jon Favreau: Cunt-I like that.