A.J.: There is no God.
Carmela and Tony: Hey!!

Carmela: You could have killed those girls.
A.J.: Now that would have been interesting.
Carmela: What? What did you just say?
A.J.: Death just shows the ultimate absurdity of life.
Tony: What is this? Are you trying to get me to lose my temper? Cause I'm about to put you through that Goddamn window.
A.J.: See? That's what I mean. Life is absurd.
Carmela: Don't say that! God forgive you.
A.J.: There is no God.

Carmela: You stole my car? Where is the trust in this house?
AJ: When I get confirmed I'm going to be a man. So how come I can't drive?
Tony: You really want to get into this? Who was that man we had to pick up at camp last year for bed wetting?

Livia: Why does everything have to have a purpose? The world is a jungle and if you want my advice Anthony, don't expect happiness. You won't get it. People let you down and I'm not naming any names but in the end you die in your own arms.
A.J.: You mean alone.
Livia: It's all a big nothing. What makes you think you're so special?

Well, when you're married you'll understand the importance of fresh produce.

Tony

Carmela: What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his own confirmation?
A.J.: I don't know.
Carmela: Be a good Catholic for fifteen fucking minutes; is that so much to ask?!

Dr. Melfi: It sounds to me like Anthony Jr. may have stumbled onto existentialism.
Tony: Fucking Internet.

Swingers? He can suck my dick; that swings, too.

Christopher

Christopher: Let that one (points to Sandra Bernhard) call that one (points to Janeane Garofalo) "buchiach."
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds more interesting.
Director: Uh, buch- what?
Christopher: Buchiach. (motions to Sandra) If she's from Brooklyn...
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds okay.
Jon Favreau: Okay, let's roll. What does it mean?
Christopher: Cunt.
Jon Favreau: Cunt-I like that.

Tony: (on AJ) He tells me he's got no purpose.
Dr. Melfi: And how did you answer him?
Tony: I told him that it costs 150 grand to bring him up so far, so if he's got no purpose I want a fucking refund.

(to AJ on Carmela) She knows that even if God is dead, you're still going to kiss his ass.

Tony

Some people are so far behind in the race that they actually believe they're leading.

Junior

The Sopranos Quotes

Paulie: You didn't go to hell. You went to purgatory, my friend.
Christopher: I forgot about purgatory.
Paulie: Purgatory--a little detour on the way to paradise.
Christopher: How long do you think we've got to stay there?
Paulie: That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven and 6,000 years is nothin' in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.

Christopher: Let that one (points to Sandra Bernhard) call that one (points to Janeane Garofalo) "buchiach."
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds more interesting.
Director: Uh, buch- what?
Christopher: Buchiach. (motions to Sandra) If she's from Brooklyn...
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds okay.
Jon Favreau: Okay, let's roll. What does it mean?
Christopher: Cunt.
Jon Favreau: Cunt-I like that.