(to Junior upon hearing that he had another uncle) I remember my mother and my father arguing about something and she kept talking about my father's feeble minded brother and I always thought she meant you.


Some people are so far behind in the race that they actually believe they're leading.


Dr. Melfi: Do you want to tell me what you're thinking?
Tony: Believe me you don't want to know. You want to know what I'm thinkin'. Seriously. I'm thinking I'd like to take a brick and smash your fucking face into fucking hamburger.
Dr. Melfi: Do you think making hamburger out of me would make you feel better?
Tony: Mother of Christ. Is this a woman thing? You ask me how I'm feeling. I tell you how I'm feeling and now you're going to torture me with it.

Dr. Melfi: Now that you found out that you have a retarded family member, do you feel better about coming here?
Tony: What?
Dr. Melfi: Is it permissable now? Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the rest of the douchebags?

(on Silvio) Don't let him scare you. He's not really a nasty fuck. He's an incredibly nasty fuck.


(to Richie) There are men in the can, better lookin' than my sister.


(to AJ after he throws a phone) Forgot to tell you I got a job at Radio Shack. Product testing. Giving that phone a F for durability.


(sees blow on guy's moustache) Don't you even own a mirror? You look like you've been French kissing the Pillsbury Doughboy.


Christopher: It's my scene. The gentleman caller guy is not me.
Drama Teacher: It's not supposed to be. That's why they call it acting.

Christopher: (practicing for drama class) He's a player and he's trying to fuck this broad.
Adriana: Where does it say he's trying to fuck her, Christopher?
Christopher: Please.
Adriana: Maybe he's not. Ya ever think that's why he's the gentleman caller? Maybe he's a gentleman.

Acting is mostly feelings unless the actor's driving a car or sword fighting or something.


Christopher: (on seeing Furio) What the fuck! Is he on vacation?
Paulie: Yeah, he saw a travel poster for sunny New Jersey.

The Sopranos Quotes

Paulie: You didn't go to hell. You went to purgatory, my friend.
Christopher: I forgot about purgatory.
Paulie: Purgatory--a little detour on the way to paradise.
Christopher: How long do you think we've got to stay there?
Paulie: That's different for everybody. You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven and 6,000 years is nothin' in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here.

Christopher: Let that one (points to Sandra Bernhard) call that one (points to Janeane Garofalo) "buchiach."
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds more interesting.
Director: Uh, buch- what?
Christopher: Buchiach. (motions to Sandra) If she's from Brooklyn...
Janeane Garofalo: That sounds okay.
Jon Favreau: Okay, let's roll. What does it mean?
Christopher: Cunt.
Jon Favreau: Cunt-I like that.