Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
Try it Now for Free and Instantly Watch Two and a Half Men.

Alan: Is that a votive candle?
Charlie: Yep. She's praying that I have pleasant bowel movements.
Alan: Oh, please.
Charlie: No, no. It's working. This morning, soft, firm easy peasy.

Jake: Uncle Charlie in there?
Berta: Yep.
Jake: Drunk?
Berta: Hammered.
Jake: You clean him out?
Berta: Would I do that to my little buddy?

I just lost the best housekeeper since Wilma Flintstone.

Charlie

Charlie: Te amo.
Alan: I thought you don't speak Spanish?
Charlie: I do know how to say, "I love you" and "How much for a happy ending?" in seventeen languages.

Charlie: Where did you learn to speak Spanish?
Alan: Junior high, high school, college, two years of chiropractic school in Mexico.

Alan: She broke up with her ex-husband. She said she didn't want to go backwards.
Charlie: In what universe is dating you not going backwards?
Alan: I know. This guy must be all kinds of messed up.

Charlie: Did you tell her to roll me over on my stomach in case I vomit?
Berta: It was number one on my list.

I saw your commercial for the shake weight. My brother does basically the same thing in the shower every night. He has absolutely no muscle definition in his arms.

Charlie
Displaying all 8 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 9 Quotes

Charlie: Did you tell her to roll me over on my stomach in case I vomit?
Berta: It was number one on my list.

I saw your commercial for the shake weight. My brother does basically the same thing in the shower every night. He has absolutely no muscle definition in his arms.

Charlie