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Two-and-a-half-men

Evelyn: I just have one question, did you really vomit on the baby?
Charlie: Yeah.
Evelyn: Don't beat yourself too much, we've all done that
Charlie: You're kidding?
Evelyn: Of course most of us do it on our own babies.

She's one in a million. You're a dime a dozen.

Evelyn [to Charlie about Chelsea]

Lady: Oh my god, you threw up on my baby!
Charlie: To be fair, I don't think the carrots were mine.

Man, you'll do anything not to kick in a little rent, won't you?

Berta [to Alan after seeing him in bed with Charlie]

[Charlie comes to lay down in Alan's bed]
Alan: You are wearing pajama bottoms, right?
Charlie: Shh...
Alan: Exactly how drunk are you?
[Charlie moves over to spoon with Alan]
Charlie: Both questions asked and answered.

Alan: What's the forecast?
Charlie: High tonight, low tomorrow, 100% chance of hangover.

Boo hoo, when are you going to stop blaming your problems on your mommy?

Jake

Charlie: I'd never cone on to another guy's fiancee.
Alan: First of all, we don't know he was coming on to Chelsea and secondly I've seen you hit on a bride as she walked down the aisle.
Charlie: It was a joke. I asked her what she was doing later, everyone laughed.

Jake: We wouldn't have these problems if you put a TV in my room.
Charlie: We wouldn't have these problems if we put a python in your room.
Jake: Touche, douche.

Alan: Well done. You sublimated your anger and came from a place of love. You took the high road.
Charlie: Really, is that what you call it? Cause I call it a complete and total betrayal of my testicles.
Alan: If you've done it as much as I have, you'd call it the high road.

Displaying all 10 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 15 Quotes

Jake: We wouldn't have these problems if you put a TV in my room.
Charlie: We wouldn't have these problems if we put a python in your room.
Jake: Touche, douche.

Alan: Well done. You sublimated your anger and came from a place of love. You took the high road.
Charlie: Really, is that what you call it? Cause I call it a complete and total betrayal of my testicles.
Alan: If you've done it as much as I have, you'd call it the high road.

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