Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 12: "Camel Filters + Pheromones" Quotes
Jake: Berta, does Prudence have a boyfriend?
Berta: Oh, honey, don't get me started.
Jake: What does that mean?
Berta: It means if she gets a high school diploma before she gets a baby, she'll be the first one in the family
Prudence: You know, I always wanted to play the piano. Do you think you can teach me something?
Charlie: No. Nothing. Not a damn thing
Prudence [about sunblock]: Can you put some of this on my back?
Alan: No!
Prudence: If you don't, I'll burn.
Alan: If I do, I will
Whew.. whew... look, Prudence, this just can't happen. I mean you're very nice and pretty, but in prison, so am I
Charlie
Jake [about Prudence]: Boy, she smells good.
Berta: Yeah, if you like Camel Filters and pheromones
Jake: Thanks for helping me with my book report, Prudence.
Prudence: Oh, no problem. Fourth grade stuff is easy for me.
Berta: Should be, you did it twice
Charlie: I'm still sleeping here, could you come back in a little while?
Berta: I could, or you could get your pampered ass out of bed and let me do my demeaning job and get on with my hellish life