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Jake: Berta, does Prudence have a boyfriend?
Berta: Oh, honey, don't get me started.
Jake: What does that mean?
Berta: It means if she gets a high school diploma before she gets a baby, she'll be the first one in the family

Prudence: You know, I always wanted to play the piano. Do you think you can teach me something?
Charlie: No. Nothing. Not a damn thing

Prudence [about sunblock]: Can you put some of this on my back?
Alan: No!
Prudence: If you don't, I'll burn.
Alan: If I do, I will

Whew.. whew... look, Prudence, this just can't happen. I mean you're very nice and pretty, but in prison, so am I


Jake [about Prudence]: Boy, she smells good.
Berta: Yeah, if you like Camel Filters and pheromones

Jake: Thanks for helping me with my book report, Prudence.
Prudence: Oh, no problem. Fourth grade stuff is easy for me.
Berta: Should be, you did it twice

Charlie: I'm still sleeping here, could you come back in a little while?
Berta: I could, or you could get your pampered ass out of bed and let me do my demeaning job and get on with my hellish life

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