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Two-and-a-half-men

Alan: You came back for me, you love me.
Berta: I pity you.

Nick: You remind me of a younger me, except taller and much better looking and also straight.
Walden: Where is this going?
Nick: Apparently nowhere

Alan: How did you meet this woman?
Jake: I play softball with her parole office

I am spending Christmas with Tammy Sue and her three children, and I get to play Santa and also their various fathers.

Jake
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