First of all, that little boy loves you. And second of all, just cause your wife decides she doesn't want to sleep with men, it doesn't make you a bad husband, though I wouldn't brag about it.

Charlie [to Alan]

• Permalink: First of all, that little boy loves you. And second of all, just...
• Added: February 13, 2009

I don't even know how my wife is going to be a lesbian. She hates oral sex—hates it

Alan

• Permalink: I don't even know how my wife is going to be a lesbian. She hate...
• Added: February 13, 2009

Jake: Uncle Charlie hasn't met Porky yet!
Charlie: I don't suppose that's a Rubenesque nineteen-year-old girl?
Alan: Porky's his pet guinea pig.
Charlie: You're bringing vermin into my house?

• Permalink: Uncle Charlie hasn't met Porky yet! I don't suppose that's a R...
• Added: February 13, 2009