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Charlie: You ever wonder why I never played in a band?
Alan: I just figured you were already getting laid so much, being in a rock band would seem redundant.
- Permalink: You ever wonder why I never played in a band? I just figured y...
Artie: This guy is a phenomenon. The label has already moved a 100,000 units in two weeks. The Wiggles can kiss my pasty white tushie.
Alan: I'm sorry, who are you?
Artie: Oh, I'm Artie Pliskin, president and CEO of Fluffy Bunny Records. And you are?
Alan: Alan, Charlie's brother.
Artie: Oh, you're the sponge!
- Permalink: This guy is a phenomenon. The label has already moved a 100,000 ...
It's show business, Alan. You don't tell people the truthCharlie
- Permalink: It's show business, Alan. You don't tell people the truth
(Charlie Waffles music plays)
Berta: Pretty catchy, huh?
Alan: So's gonorrhea.
Berta: Drinking from the well of bitterness are we?
- Permalink: (Charlie Waffles music plays) Pretty catchy, huh? So's gonor...
Charlie: What do you think?
Alan: I'm going back to bed.
Charlie: What about you?
Jake: You couldn't have TiVo'd this?
Charlie: Hey, Charlie Waffles may love kids, but he's getting pretty sick of you.
- Permalink: What do you think? I'm going back to bed. What about you? ...
Alan: (surprised look) They love him! How can they love him?
Artie: Who cares, we're gonna make a fortune.
Alan: Doesn't it bother you that he's loaded?
Artie: (shrugs) He's a musician. It'd bother me if he wasn't.
- Permalink: (surprised look) They love him! How can they love him? Who car...
(to Berta) I just don't understand what kind of spiteful god could allow my drunken whoremonger of a brother to become a children's singing star while I toil away in poverty-stricken anonymity.Alan
- Permalink: (to Berta) I just don't understand what kind of spiteful god cou...