Two and a Half Men

Two and a Half Men "Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave" Quotes

Alan: Now, to the issue of underage drinking. Not only is it against the law, alcohol destroys brain cells.
Charlie: Alan, you gotta tailor the pitch to the audience.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: Forget brain cells. Jake, listen to me, this is very important. Alcohol can make it tough to get a boner.
Jake: You're kidding?
Charlie: I can't tell you how many times I've said, "this has never happened before."
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jake: I'm never gonna drink again.
Charlie: Quitter.
Alan: Charlie...
Charlie: Oh right, atta boy.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: This is a hot divorced mother from the valley, you're going to need three penises and a jumper cable to get her attention.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Piece of tail always trumps peace of mind, doesn't it?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Berta: When I came down here I was hoping to be a dancer.
Charlie: Really?
Berta: Yeah, then I met pot and donuts. Before I knew it I was scrubbing toilets and hosing teenage barf out of wicker baskets.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: And you call yourself a drummer. Keith Moon is vomitting in his grave.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Who the hell are you?
Jake: Oh, this is my friend Eldrige, he plays that drums.
Charlie: Okay, that explains the attitude.
Eldridge: What, are you ragging on my name?
Charlie: No, I'm ragging on your instrument, now beat it.
 • Rating: Unrated

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