Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Jake: Uncle Charlie, do you need to go anywhere?
Charlie: Yeah, away from you
Jake: You want me to drive?
Charlie: You want to drive my $80,000 Mercedes?
Jake: Yes, please
Charlie: He's unnecessarily polite for a future doorman

Judith: Just because he's fifteen doesn't mean he's ready to drive
Jake: I've been driving for years. Grand Theft Auto 1, Grand Theft Auto 2. And I've never drove anyone over except for pimps and crack whores.
Alan: Jake!
Jake: Sorry, dad. Crack prostitutes.

Displaying quotes 10 - 11 of 11 in total