Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Charlie: Oh, for the good old days when you could pretend you were blind and wander into the girls' locker room.
Alan: You actually did that? That's terrible.
Charlie: No, taking the dog from the blind guy was terrible.

Alan: Charlie's coming to work with me.
Berta: Why?
Alan: He's helping me around the office.
Berta: You wanna bet?

Charlie: This is where you come every day?
Alan: For eleven years, what do you think?
Charlie: I'd have killed myself ten and a half years ago

Charlie: Wanna play videogames?
Jake: Sure.
Alan: Are you forgetting you're being punished?
Jake: No, but why does Uncle Charlie have to suffer?

Charlie: What time?
Alan: Eight.
Charlie: O'clock?
Alan: No, degrees

Berta [about Charlie]: He just getting home?
Alan: Yeah.
Berta: You really have to wonder how long he can keep burning that penis at both ends

What's the oompa loompa doing here on a weekday?

Berta [about Jake]

Alan: You turned my business into a brothel.
Charlie: I thought you'd be happy. I didn't touch a single patient

Alan: Principal Gallagher's lesbian lover might drop by to kick my ass.
Charlie: Oh, good, remind me to rewind the camcorder

Displaying all 9 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 2 Quotes

Alan: You turned my business into a brothel.
Charlie: I thought you'd be happy. I didn't touch a single patient

Alan: Principal Gallagher's lesbian lover might drop by to kick my ass.
Charlie: Oh, good, remind me to rewind the camcorder

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