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Alan: Oh, would you please just get your drunken ass out of bed and stop being a waste of skin for once in your life?!
Charlie: Well, since you said "please".
- Permalink: Oh, would you please just get your drunken ass out of bed and st...
Dr. Freeman: You dozed off for 40 minutes, Alan.
Alan: You're going to charge me for that?!
Dr. Freeman: I was awake
- Permalink: You dozed off for 40 minutes, Alan. You're going to charge me ...
Charlie: No kids in my house.
Jake: I'm a kid.
Charlie: I don't think of you as a kid. I think of you as more of a gassy dwarf
- Permalink: No kids in my house. I'm a kid. I don't think of you as a ki...
Jake: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow?
Jake: I want to hang out with my friends.
Alan: What, all of a sudden your father's not good enough for you?
Jake: It's not "all of a sudden."
- Permalink: Can I go back to mom's tomorrow? Why? I want to hang out wit...
Alan: He's growing up, getting a life of his own. He'll be going off to college soon. I'll only see him on holidays, only hear from him when he needs money... not that I'll have any, I'll still be paying alimony to two ex-wives! And college tuition? That just means selling an organ or turning tricks. And for what? So that he can get a worthless piece of paper that he can then fold into a hat to wear to the fast food job that he will probably get fired from for stealing fries from the customers' bags!
Jake: I do like fries
- Permalink: He's growing up, getting a life of his own. He'll be going off t...