Alan: The important thing for you to know is how much I love you.
Jake: You told the waiter that you loved him, too.
Alan: He was a very good waiter

• Permalink: The important thing for you to know is how much I love you. Yo...
• Added: April 25, 2009

We all want the shining red apple, but sometimes we got to settle for what's on the lower branch, or in some cases we take what's lying on the ground

Charlie

• Permalink: We all want the shining red apple, but sometimes we got to settl...
• Added: April 25, 2009

Alan: From now on I'm going to live my life with honor and dignity.
Charlie: But first, I'll just fall asleep with my head on the crapper

• Permalink: From now on I'm going to live my life with honor and dignity. ...
• Added: April 25, 2009

Charlie: So what else did we learn tonight?
Alan: Well, let's see. I learned that, that to overcome my fear of rejection ingrained in me by an emotionally distant mother, I need to completely disable my central nervous system with semi-lethal quantities of alcohol

• Permalink: So what else did we learn tonight? Well, let's see. I learned ...
• Added: April 25, 2009