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Two-and-a-half-men

Walden: Is he prone to mental breakdowns?
Berta: Prone? No. Eligible? Certainly.

I'll give you a hint, I didn't do the dog people style.

Alan

Jake: Uncle Charlie never treated me like a stupid kid.
Alan: That's nice.
Jake: He treated me more like a stupid person.

Man they got my good bong.

Jake

Walden: We're talk songs, thongs, bongs and schlongs.
Alan: If he had an autobiography, that'd be the title.

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