Are you a TV Fanatic?
Sign up for our daily newsletter to receive personalized television news for free!
Charlie: I gotta figure out a way to get Gail to leave on her own.
Berta: You got the perfect tool for the job.
Charlie: What are you talking about?
Berta: The one tool that's guaranteed to drive any woman out of the house.
Alan [entering the room]: Hello.
Berta: Oh look, it's an Alan wrench.
- Permalink: I gotta figure out a way to get Gail to leave on her own. You ...
What do you have going on today? You going to play a little tennis in 1958?Charlie [to Alan]
- Permalink: What do you have going on today? You going to play a little tenn...
Alan: There is a very good chance a woman like that is tired rich, handsome, successful guys that have their own homes and recently built cars.
Charlie: You really believe that?
Alan: I have to.
- Permalink: There is a very good chance a woman like that is tired rich, han...
Alan [about Gail]: I felt a little spark between us
Charlie: If there was a spark it's because she was warming up her taser
- Permalink: I felt a little spark between us If there was a spark it's bec...
Jake: Do either of you guys urinate with abnormal frequency?
Alan and Charlie: No.
Charlie: I mean, you gotta define abnormal
Alan: Keep in mind the body doesn't process alcohol efficiently, which is why your Uncle Charlie is a perpetual urine machine
Charlie: Also keep in mind your father has the bladder control of a frightened nine year old girl, which is why he needs to wear two pairs of undies and a panty liner
Alan: Only on long drives
- Permalink: Do either of you guys urinate with abnormal frequency? No. I...