Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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For god sake's walden, I'm old enough to be your mother. Assuming a teenage pregnancy, of course.

Evelyn

Walden: I'm not going sleep with your mother.
Alan: If I had a dime for every time i heard that, I'd have have $3.60. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but it's 36 times.

Walden: Can we get one of those fancy Japanese toilets that sprays water and sprays your tooshie.
Evelyn: With your money you can find an actual Japanese person to do it
Walden: See what you can find.

You really should get that boy a unicycle and bowling pins.

Evelyn

We have to get rid of Walden. He's got to go.

Jake

Walden: You know if he hooks up with you, he goes to jail.
Megan: I'd wait for him.

I bet you shower every day.

Jake

It's a miracle I'm not a transexual on Dancing With the Stars.

Alan
Displaying all 8 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 6 Quotes

I bet you shower every day.

Jake

It's a miracle I'm not a transexual on Dancing With the Stars.

Alan