Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Judith: You don't sleep with your son's friend's mother.
Alan: No, no. you marry his pediatrician.
Herb: He's got you there, sweetie.

Alan: Iced tea?
Charlie: I decided when you try to mail your pants to a garment inspector in Malaysia, it's time to quit drinking.
Alan: Some might have said that day come and went when you gave yourself that haircut.

Lindsay: I got a little surprise for you.
Alan: I got what I'm told is a perfectly adequate surprise for you.

Alan: Yours?
Charlie: Alan, she's like sixteen.
Alan: And, again, I ask, hoping I don't get called to testify, yours?

Charlie: Think it through Alan, for what possible activity would I need my pants off an my shoes on?
Alan: I dunno, chasing a reluctant hooker?
Charlie: Can't rule it out.

Alan: I guess a little morning quickie is out of the question?
Charlie: if you can do it without waking me up... you're not realy thinking about it are you?

Displaying all 6 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 1 Quotes

Charlie: Think it through Alan, for what possible activity would I need my pants off an my shoes on?
Alan: I dunno, chasing a reluctant hooker?
Charlie: Can't rule it out.

Alan: I guess a little morning quickie is out of the question?
Charlie: if you can do it without waking me up... you're not realy thinking about it are you?