Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Alan: Are you really that superficial, vain and shallow?
Charlie: Yes. Yes. And yes.

Michelle: You've got my number, right?
Charlie: Indeed I do. ... 47.

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.

Alan: It's not what it looks like.
Charlie: That's a relief cause it looks like you were masturbating to mariachi music in your car.
Alan: I only get AM radio!

That's my daughter. For all intents and purposes, she's eight.

Michelle

Think of this way - when she's 70, you're likely to be dead for 10 years.

Alan
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