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Two-and-a-half-men

Betsy: He's really something.
Charlie: Oh, yeah, he's really something. The question is what

Do you just stay awake at nights thinking of new ways to embarrass me?

Evelyn [to Alan]

Jake: Are we going to dinner tonight?
Alan: Do I look like I'm in shape to go to dinner?
Jake: I don't know, I'm not a doctor

Charlie: We're not going. This conversation is over.
Jake: Not if I'm still talking

Charlie: Look, I'm sorry I lost my temper.
Jake: I'm sorry you slipped in dog crap when you were chasing me

Charlie: Mixing those pills with alcohol is really a bad idea.
Alan: Not if you're trying to kill yourself

Charlie: Hey, buddy, how you been?
Jake: Life stinks.
Charlie: Cheer up, you're still a kid. It gets much worse

Displaying all 7 quotes

Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 1 Quotes

Charlie: Mixing those pills with alcohol is really a bad idea.
Alan: Not if you're trying to kill yourself

Charlie: Hey, buddy, how you been?
Jake: Life stinks.
Charlie: Cheer up, you're still a kid. It gets much worse

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