Betsy: He's really something.
Charlie: Oh, yeah, he's really something. The question is what

• Permalink: He's really something. Oh, yeah, he's really something. The qu...
• Added: April 25, 2009

Do you just stay awake at nights thinking of new ways to embarrass me?

Evelyn [to Alan]

• Permalink: Do you just stay awake at nights thinking of new ways to embarra...
• Added: April 25, 2009

Jake: Are we going to dinner tonight?
Alan: Do I look like I'm in shape to go to dinner?
Jake: I don't know, I'm not a doctor

• Permalink: Are we going to dinner tonight? Do I look like I'm in shape to...
• Added: April 25, 2009

Charlie: We're not going. This conversation is over.
Jake: Not if I'm still talking

• Permalink: We're not going. This conversation is over. Not if I'm still t...
• Added: April 25, 2009

Charlie: Look, I'm sorry I lost my temper.
Jake: I'm sorry you slipped in dog crap when you were chasing me

• Permalink: Look, I'm sorry I lost my temper. I'm sorry you slipped in dog...
• Added: April 25, 2009

Charlie: Mixing those pills with alcohol is really a bad idea.
Alan: Not if you're trying to kill yourself

• Permalink: Mixing those pills with alcohol is really a bad idea. Not if y...
• Added: April 25, 2009

Charlie: Hey, buddy, how you been?
Jake: Life stinks.
Charlie: Cheer up, you're still a kid. It gets much worse

• Permalink: Hey, buddy, how you been? Life stinks. Cheer up, you're stil...
• Added: April 25, 2009