Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 14: "Winky-Dink Time" Quotes
Charlie: Just remember I'm doing you a favor. Don't forget it in a few years when I ask you to change my diaper.
Jake: Okay. Wait, what?
Jake: Want some cake?
Milly: I don't eat sugar.
Jake: Oh, yeah, me neither, unless it's in, like, pies and cookies and stuff.
Jake: You and me are having dinner with them on Friday so you can catch up.
Charlie: You and me?
Jake: Just don't clock block me, okay?
Charlie: "Clock block" you?
Jake: That's not it?
Alan: It's just a coincidence that I'm sitting here waiting for a prostitute, and all of the sudden you show up at the front door?
Rose: You're waiting for a prostitute?
Rose: Oh, Alan, that's not like you.
Alan: Yeah, well, when you've had your heart broken enough times and can't even bear the thought of having an emotional connection with another human being, what else is there to do?
Rose: A lot of people masturbate, I hear. Really, I've heard them.
Alan: Nevertheless, sometimes a man needs to feel something other than his own touch.
Rose: Have you tried switching hands? It's like being with a clumsy stranger.
Jake: Taste this.
Charlie: I don't need to taste it. It's a chocolate laxative.
Jake: I think it needs more caramel.
Charlie: I'm telling you, Alan, one of these days that kid's gonna fart and birds are gonna fall out of the sky.
Alan: (talking about Milly's mom) She seems nice. Who is she?
Charlie: I have no freaking idea.
Jake: I'll tell you who she is, the grandmother of my children.
Jake: (talking about "getting his ducks in a row" before the date) What was that thing about ducks?
Charlie: It's just an expression.
Jake: Well, it's confusing.
Jake: You can't get them in a row...
Charlie: I know. I know. Now, just listen to me.
Jake: ...they're ducks. They move willy-nilly.
Alan: So, did you make the call?
Charlie: Everybody wants me to pimp for them. I might as well get a purple hat, high boots, and a full-length fur coat.
Alan: If anyone can pull it off, it's you.
Berta: So, Zippy's getting a hooker?
Charlie: It would appear so.
Berta: Talk about earning your money.