Season 4, Episode 23: "Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin"
Charlie: You look at an animal shelter and see homeless dogs and kitties about to be put to death. Me? I see an ass farm.Alan: OK, I'm speechless.
Charlie: No words necessary - silent admiration is all I ask
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Fernando: Is the big one here?
Charlie: She went to get something waxed.
Alan: We were afraid to ask what
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Jake: She brought soup!
Charlie: Why would she bring soup?
Alan: You told her you had a bug. So she assumed it was bronchial. If you had been more specific like I suggested, you could have precluded this. Nobody just drops by when they think you have diarrhea.
Jake: And I bet they don't bring soup, either
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Season 4, Episode 22: "Mr. McGlue's Feedbag"
Charlie: Okay, I'm leaving.Jake: Bye.
Charlie: If you need anything, ask Berta.
Jake: Okay.
Charlie: She won't give it to you, but she enjoys being asked
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Jake: How much can I bet?
Charlie: How much did you bring?
Jake: I have to use my own money?
Charlie: Boy, you really are your father's son, aren't you?
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Alan: Did you help him with his book report?
Charlie: Yes, I did.
Alan: Really?
Charlie: No.
Alan: Charlie, you said you'd help him.
Charlie: Well, you said you'd only be living here for a couple of weeks
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Charlie: Just hide the money. Stick it into a shoe.
Jake: Right. What about if I wanna wear it?
Charlie: Then put it on another shoe.
Jake: But not of the same pair, right?
Charlie: Right
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Alan: What a day. Just sitting and sitting and sitting.
Charlie: Huh.
Alan: It was like jury duty, without the fun of sending someone to jail
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Season 4, Episode 21: "Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous"
Charlie: What's going on?Alan: Oh, I just have a friend over for my single-parent support group.
Charlie: Oh, yeah, unattached moms. I gotta check out that group.
Alan: You don't have a kid.
Charlie: Are they really strict about that?
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Charlie: Berta. How long have you been working for me?
Berta: Define "working"
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Total Quotes: 690
