Season 7, Episode 7: "Untainted by Filth"
Alan: Out of the two of us who would have figured I'd be the care free bachelor?Charlie: If by that you mean lonely and single, then everyone
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Charlie: Hey can I be the best man?
Alan: You'll need a sex change
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Season 7, Episode 6: "Give Me Your Thumb"
Charlie: What about your back pain?Chelsea: I'll live with it.
Charlie: Are you sure?
Chelsea: I live with you, don't I?
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Evelyn [to Alan]: I want to see you happy, and not dressed like an unemployed lesbian
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Alan [after pouring M&M's into Jake's brown bag]: Breakfast of champions, Type 2 diabetes division
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Alan: I love my new silk pajamas mom, they're like wearing a baby seal
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Chelsea: They're not our boobs, they're my breasts
Charlie: If you were to dust them for prints right now, who would be suspect number one?
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Evelyn [to Alan]: You suggested Charlie's fiancee get small breasts? Why not reinstate prohibition while you're at it?
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Charlie [to Alan]: Let's make one thing clear, the only acceptable boob reduction in this house is you moving out
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Charlie: I'll tell you what helps pain, pain pills. In fact, I saw a guy on the news with a nail in his head and thanks to pain pills he was laughing
Alan: What about addiction?
Charlie: That's the least of his problem, he has a nail in his head!
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Total Quotes: 690
