Season 7, Episode 4: "Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator"
Chelsea [about Jake]: There has to be something beneath that sullen exterior.Charlie: Yes, a D student with a perpetual boner.
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Melissa: We should have sex in every room
Alan: I don't see why not. We'll have to bring the towel with us. Of course we're going to have to wait a half an hour to give my erectile dysfunction medicine a chance to overcome my anti depressants
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Alan: I was on a date with Melissa
Charlie: How'd it go?
Alan: She broke up with me and I may have to register as a sex offender
Charlie: So at least you had fun
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Charlie [about Chelsea and Jake]: ...and one of you has to go, guess who that will be?
Jake: Why, because you sleep with her?
Charlie: Good for you, why do people think you're stupid?
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Season 7, Episode 3: "Mmm, fish. Yum."
Jake: So the doorman thing was an insult?Alan: Yes, and a prophecy
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Charlie [to Alan]: You couldn't be more of a sucker if you were on the end of a stick
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Herb [to Judith]: All right, no romance. But sex is still on the table?
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Alan [to Judith]: I'm implying that there may be better choices for a babysitter than a woman who has a sandwich named after her at the Betty Ford Clinic
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Jake: If that's Sir Lancelot, who did you squish?
Charlie: Your hope of ever driving my car again
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Lenore: Fred hasn't touched me in over fourteen years
Alan: In his defense, he did have that stroke
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Total Quotes: 690
