Season 6, Episode 21: "Above Exalted Cyclops"
Waiter: ..and for you sir?Alan: Whiskey, neat
Charlie: Since when did you drink hard liquor?
Alan: Since right now. I'd order crack if it was on the menu
Waiter: True dat
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Chelsea [about Rose]: Fun personality right?
Alan: Unfortunately she six more of them
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Alan [getting ready for double date]: How do I look?
Charlie: Don't open that can of worms, you are what you are
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Season 6, Episode 20: "Hello, I'm Alan Cousteau"
Charlie: Tell you what. I'll trade you, site unseen, my mom for yoursChelsea: Charlie..
Charlie: I'll even throw in Alan and a couple of Omaha Steaks
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Chelsea: What's wrong with me having a warm and a healthy relationship with your mother?
Charlie: For starters, you'll be the only one... ever!
Chelsea: Oh, don't be so dramatic
Charlie: I should be wearing tights and holding a skull... preferably hers
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Chelsea: You didn't tell your mom we were engaged?
Charlie: If she didn't sell me the house, she wouldn't know where I lived
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 6, Episode 19: "The Two Finger Rule"
Jerome: So how do you know Charlie and Alan?Herb: I married Alan's ex-wife
Jerome: No kidding.. and you two hang out?
Herb and Aln: yeah, sure
Jerome: Wow, I couldn't be friends with the man that's putting it to my ex
Herb: Well to be fair that hasn't been a lot of putting lately
Alan: ...and after the baby there'll be even less
Herb: How's that possible?
Alan: Not only will she not let you touch her, but she'll interrupt you when you're touching yourself
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Alan: I'm gonna go pick up Jake at his mothers
Charlie: Oh good. Just what we need to brighten up our weekend. A large, sullen teenager with gas and questionable hygiene
Alan: There's nothing questionable about it
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Alan [about Chelsea]: So you're just going to sit here and wait till she comes crawling over?
Charlie: Yes I am...and then since hell has long since frozen over, we can go ice skating
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Charlie: Sure you don't want a drink?
Alan: Nah, when I'm depressed alcohol just makes me feel worse
Charlie: Yeah, same. The trick is to drink past that. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 690
