Two and a Half Men Season 4 Quotes
Charlie: You wash them, you dry them. How hard could it be?
Alan: So what's the problem?
Charlie: Which one's the washer?
Charlie: What will they think of next?
Alan: Yeah! I hear scientists are working on a machine that can cook two pieces of bread at the same time
My name is Charlie, and, um, my maid says I'm a sex addict
Charlie
Alan: I don't like it here.
Charlie: Well, tough, this was the only way I could get Berta to come back.
Alan: But why do I have to be here?
Charlie: Because you're looking for a place to sell your condo!
Charlie: You're right! I am addicted! I have a vagina on my back, but I know I can get it off! I mean, you gotta help me.
Berta: I can't help you, pal, you gotta help yourself.
Charlie: You didn't have to go to the bathroom! You were just trying to stick me with the check!
Alan: Oh, oh, I see, so you know my bowels better than I do!
Charlie: I will when I pull them out through your nostrils.
Who will 'Old Alan' be able to count on? Certainly not Jake, 'cause let's face it, his best hope of a steady income is if missing the toilet becomes a professional sport
Alan
I can't believe I missed out on a sure thing because I was sitting on the can, listening to you not take a crap!
Charlie
Vicki: I am so full. I don't think I could put another thing in my mouth.
Charlie: Hope that's just a figure of speech
Jake: Are you crazy?
Rose: There's several schools of thought on that
Plato and Aristotle said that no matter how many times you shaked it, the last drop always falls in the pants
Alan
Alan: Oh, would you please just get your drunken ass out of bed and stop being a waste of skin for once in your life?!
Charlie: Well, since you said "please".