Two and a Half Men Season 4 Quotes
Alan: All the other men are going to be wearing black tuxedos.
Jake: If all the other men were jumping off a bridge would you want me to do that too?
Alan: If it would keep your mother off my back, yes!
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Berta: Here's your suit.
Berta: The dry cleaners found $46 and a condom in the pocket of your coat. Here's the condom.
Charlie: Again, thanks.
Berta: Can I give you free advice?
Charlie: "Free?" I'm already out 46 dollars
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Charlie [about Jake]: I'm ready. Myra's ready. Is he ready?
Alan: Does he look ready?
Charlie: Well, he's not wearing any pants. That's ready for something
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Myra: Thinking of chewing off your arm?
Charlie: What? No, no. Why would I do that?
Myra: I don't know. Maybe because you're not horny anymore and you just remembered I'm staying through the weekend.
Charlie: You got all that from the twitching of my shoulder muscles?
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Charlie: Normally, at this point in a relationship, I'm busy plotting the appropriate exit strategy.
Myra: For example?
Charlie: Well, that would depend on whether I'm trying to get rid of you for today or forever.
Myra: Let's say today.
Charlie: OK. Today I have to see my dermatologist about a little rash.
Myra: Oh, that's good. What about forever?
Charlie: Turns out it wasn't a rash, and they won't let me come home
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Jake: Excuse me, but if who sleeps in my bed is not my business, then what is?
Alan: Let it go, Goldilocks
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Jake: And how many times do you have to get up to go pee?
Alan: I wasn't counting.
Jake: I was! Four.
Alan: Ok, one of those was to get a glass of water.
Jake: Well, that's your problem, stop topping off the tank
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Jake: I don't understand why I can't have the blue tuxedo.
Alan: Because you're going to a wedding, not hosting a game show on Telemundo
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Alan: When Judith was divorcing me, who seduced and then abandoned my lawyer, causing her to take revenge on me?
Charlie: Hold on, that chick was nuts.
Alan: I lost everything!
Charlie: Well, to be fair, you didn't have that much to begin with
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