Two and a Half Men Season 8 Quotes
Michelle: You eat a lot of fish. Aren't you worried about mercury?
Charlie: Michelle, on the list of things I expect to kill me, mercury poisoning ranks well below liver failure, struck by lightning and heart attack during sex. Guess which one I'm rooting for?
Alan: Are you really that superficial, vain and shallow?
Charlie: Yes. Yes. And yes.
Michelle: You've got my number, right?
Charlie: Indeed I do. ... 47.
Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.
Alan: It's not what it looks like.
Charlie: That's a relief cause it looks like you were masturbating to mariachi music in your car.
Alan: I only get AM radio!
That's my daughter. For all intents and purposes, she's eight.
Michelle
Think of this way - when she's 70, you're likely to be dead for 10 years.
Alan
Alan: Do you have any idea how long it would take me to earn that kind of money?
Charlie: Oh don't think like that. You're never going to earn that kind of money.
Dr. Shankman: Is there anything else you'd like done while you're out? A little lipo, nose job, penis enlargement?
Charlie: No, no, thanks. For the record, I got the penis enlargement when you (Nurse Kendra) walked in the room.
Jake: You're cheap.
Alan: I'm not cheap. I'm broke. There's a difference.
Charlie: He was cheap long before he was broke.
Charlie: Does she still have a Hitler mustache on the Russian front?
Alan: I wouldn't know. I was blindfolded and hog tied.
Oh boy, role playing. Can I be the man?
Alan
