Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkVenture Brothers Quotes
Dr. Venture [outside the bathroom]: I have a list of inappropriate behavior. Number one: this! Don't do this!
Sgt. Hatred: What's number two?
Dr. Venture: Nothing. I don't have a number two. I don't even have a list. Get out of the bathroom!
Henchman 21: What's the password?
The Monarch: I forgot. Oh, wait, I remember. I'm the fucking Monarch! Let me in now!
Dr. Venture: And here we are. Alone. What would the neighbors think?
Dr. Girlfriend: The neighbors are AuntiMatter, who's a spinster who shape shifts, and Flying Squid, he's pretty self-explanatory. So I don't think they'd find this weird.
Dr. Venture: I have a magic guy living in my house. And my former arch enemy is now my bodyguard.
Dr. Girlfriend: So, looks like what we made it. Exactly what my parents wanted for me. Guaranteed.
Henchman 21: You have been subjected to the dreaded Chinese Water Torture for easily half an hour. You have lost your grip on reality.
Dean: We're delirious? So, this is a dream, and we're not really..
Henchman 21: Oh, no, you're actually here. But if I'm half monster, and like half goat and half hor... okay, that's stupid. Okay, if my bottom half is a horse, and on top I'm Sin-Eater.
Dean: Who's Sin-Eater?
Henchman 21: Or Wolverine with bat wings.
Hank: Dude, you're that henchman guy.
Henchman 21: With bat wings?
Hank: No, that is mental! You're regular.
Look, I was in the Guild of Calamitous Intent. And I'm also a recovered pedophile. So if anyone knows the rules about young abducting boys from their beds, it's old Sgt. Hatred.
Sgt. Hatred
Sgt. Hatred: Get up! Emergency! Our home has been violated!
Dr. Venture: What time is it?
Sgt. Hatred: Go time! I was downstairs, sitting in front of the computer masturbating, and then zip! This is sticking out of my neck, my clothes are gone, and the boys are missing.
Dr. Venture: Oh, my God!
Sgt. Hatred: Don't you worry! We'll get 'em back!
Dr. Venture: No, I mean, oh, my God, you just told me you were masturbating in front of the computer. That's foul.
Sgt. Hatred: Oh, what... and you don't?
Dr. Venture: Well, yeah, but I'm not proud of it.
Sgt. Hatred: Look, you can talk about your needless shame later. We have to rescue the sons.
Dean: All right, fine. But in the future, could you warn us before you do that?
Sgt. Hatred: In the future, the lazy Eloi will be living above ground. But underground, there will be cave monsters that use the above ground people for food. Dean, they eat them.
Dean: Now I know what happened to my copy of The Time Machine.
Hank: See, I didn't take it! I expect an apology. And also, I want a dollar. Emotional damage.
Henchman 86: Man! I'm so glad I didn't mention the car accident.
Henchman 21: Car accident? Car accident? That was no car accident. 24 died in a car intentional.
Hank [about his dad's car]: I don't think I should take it off the compound
Dermott: You didn't think I should have hot wired it either
Hank: That's because I had the keys
Hank: How come Baby Einstein gets his own lab and I'm stuck pushing boxes around? When do I get to train for my future career?
Dr. Venture: Who says you aen't right now?
Dermott: All right, we're going to have to do this commando style.
Hank: You want me to... take off my underwear?
Dermott: Why do you think they used to call me "the Wolf?"
Hank: Nobody calls you that.
Dermott: Well, they did back in my old neighborhood. When they weren't calling me "psycho." There was actually a war between two gangs over which nickname to call me. Both gangs won
