Venture Brothers
Season 4 Quotes (Page 2)

Episode 6: "Self-Medication"

Dr. Venture: I wasn't allowed to wear long pants until I went to college, is it any wonder I was a virgin until my twenties? [permalink]

Henchman 21: You got lucky, old man.
Sgt. Hatred: In your dreams, fat back. [permalink]

Action Johnny: Looks like you got a little herpe on your lip, have you been kissing your wife's ass... after I put herpe in there? [permalink]

Johnny [about Dr. Venture]: I'm the old one, but he looks like he could be my dad.
Dr. Venture: That's because you have more chemical preservatives than a twinkie, and don't try and tell me that's not a weave. [permalink]

Dr. Z: We never had children of our, you see. We married late. And though my lover's mountains are both beautiful and bountiful, I'm afraid the valley below is quite barren.
Mrs. Z: I thought we could not have kids because I was your beard.
Dr. Z: Ahem-ahem. [permalink]

Dr. Z: So, a snake kills your psychiatrist, and you fly all the way down here in the middle of the night to beat up an old man because of a matchbook.
Dale Hale: Yeah, sounds kind of sloppy when you say it. [permalink]

Action Johnny: You're gonna tell me you didn't send your flunky to murder our therapist with a Vietnamese Two-Step Viper?
Dr. Z: Bah! When Dr. Z harasses you, you'll know it. A giant metal crab would tear the roof off of your trailer. No less than six suicide assassins would spring from its belly! I would never stoop to striking at you through some civilian proxy. And I certainly would not do it with a made-up snake! [permalink]

Action Johnny: Hey, how are those balls doing, Rust?
Dr. Venture: Spirit is up and roving, but opportunity hasn't come back on-line yet. [permalink]

Dr. Venture: Well, Daphne, I believe. She got around quite a bit. But Velma? I always thought she was a...
Action Johnny: Everybody did. But I got a pack of herpes that says otherwise. [permalink]

Action Johnny: Dudes, get back! That is a Vietnamese Two-Step Viper! One bite, and you're dead before you take two steps.
Dale Hale: There's no such thing.
Action Johnny: Yeah, I'm making it up. It's right there, dude! That ain't a [bleep] f**king hologram or an old lighthouse keeper in a rubber mask, okay?
Dale Hale: I mean there's no such snake. That's an urban myth.
Lance Hale: Bro's right. I Googled it.
Dr. Venture: Hey, Encyclopedia Brown-Noser, can you Google this thing away from me? [permalink]

Dr. Venture: What happened? Did I just kill Premature Ejaculation? [permalink]

Action Johnny: My dad's lab was like a pharmacological candy store, so I started real young. Next thing I know, I'm blowing lines of voodoo powder off the back of a monkey's paw I bought in Calcutta. Now I'm all out of wishes. [permalink]

Wonderboy: Beep boop.
Lance Hale: What was that?
Wonderboy: I just turned off the radio in my utility belt like he said to.
Action Johnny: You said "beep boop" with your mouth.
Wonderboy: No I didn't. Leave me alone. [permalink]

Episode 5: "The Revenge Society"

Red Mantle: Two heads are better than one.
Dragoon: What does that have to do with anything?
Red Mantle: Nothing. I've been wanting to say that all day. I got sick of waiting for an opportunity. [permalink]

Red Mantle: Great, we knocked him out.
Dragoon: What is this, an episode of Gilligan's Island? Everybody gets hit once and they are instantly unconscious.
Red Mantle: Good one. Six bucks says he has amnesia when he wakes up. [permalink]

Watch: They know we're stalling. And seriously, I can't come up with a way to be more intimidating.
Ward: I can! We get completely nude! Naked army! Go all Braveheart on them!
Watch: I think the Eunuch Division might gross everybody out.
Ward: Yeah, maybe. But the Women's Auxiliary, that'll rule. [permalink]

Hank: Let me show you what a Batman-filled, Brocked-trained Venture can do [permalink]

Sgt. Hatred: Hank, you know about the birds and the bees, right?
Hank: For like two years now!
Sgt. Hatred: Well, you know how some bees like other bees and some birds like other birds?
Hank: Like Uncle Gentleman?
Sgt. Hatred: Right. Now there are some birds that like eggs, and eggs are fragile and can't defend themselves. So some egg lovers take experimental drugs to not like eggs. Because I don't want to like eggs.
Hank: I already know that you used to be a pedestrian.
Sgt. Hatred: Yeah, I also like bees! I've had my share of honey. [permalink]

Dragoon: And I'm staying in the car! We! We are staying in the car.
Red Mantle: We haven't been outside in 30 years. I'm old and I'm afraid of everything.
Dragoon: I'm afraid the streets are overrun with teenage gangs!
Red Mantle: Teenagers are cruel and they will undoubtedly taunt us because our trousers are not in style any more.
Dragoon: And we are two heads in one body. And that has never, ever been hip! [permalink]

Dr. Venture: Dean, I remember when the Action Man would wake me up with a gun pointed at my head. He'd just hold it there and pull the trigger. I'd hear the click really loud because it was right against my forehead.
Dean: So it echoes.
Dr. Venture: Right, it sounded like he snapped one of my teeth out. Click. And then he'd go "Not today, Rusty, not today."
Dean: Golly. And you took it because you had to?
Dr. Venture: No, Dean, I took it because I was Rusty Venture, Boy Adventurer. I didn't ask for this life, Dean. But it's mine. Sure, I fall down in this speedsuit. But I get up and wet-nap my puke off.
Dean: Do you have one?
Dr. Venture: I got a pocket full of those lemony little devils.It all comes with that outfit, Dean. It's not all bad. I mean, I am a super-scientist. Loved. Feared. Well, I have a lawn full of bad guys who want my... what do they want? [permalink]