Weeds Season 5 Quotes
Nancy: Why is the bed moving?
Andy: There must be an earthquake.
Nancy: Are you jerking off?!?
Esteban: Our son will be baptized by a priest in a church
Nancy: Sorry, he's Jewish. Snip, snip. Eat fish. Start saving for law school
Andy [about Audra]: She likes me
Gale: She's gonna burn in hell for all eternity
Andy: Well I'd rather laugh with the sinners, Gale
Gale: For now...
Silas [about baby Botwin]: He's kind of cute
Shane: Who cares? He's probably just gonna want to play soccer
Dean: My rate is five hundred dollars an hour
Doug: Wooo... that better include a rim job
Pilar: Do you know why I've never had children?
Nancy: Because you'd eat them and children are super fattening?
Shane: Why don't you sell something people want.
Celia: Like what?
Shane: Like drugs.
Andy: Esteban seems like the type to just throw you on the table and f-ck you.
Nancy: That works, too.
Andy: See, we'd never have worked. I'm not rape-y enough for you.
Andy, on his sexual technique: The key is to focus on where the sidewalk ends.
Nancy: I know. I'm a girl.
Come and see me. Hope you're good. And please don't have a scraggly moonshiner beard unless you plan on starting a cult. In which case, go beardNancy [to Andy on phone next to him]
Nancy: You're guzzling coffee?
Shane: Ignacio says it puts hair on you chest
Nancy: Right and spinach gives you instant muscles and an anchor tattoo
Nancy [talking about the ring from Esteban]: You notice anything different? about my hand?
Shane: Oh yeah. he said he was going to ask you.
Nancy: He told you?
Shane: We had an hombre to hombre talk... much respect... I'm cool