Weeds

Weeds Season 5 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 5 Episode 7: "Where The Sidewalk Ends"

Andy, on his sexual technique: The key is to focus on where the sidewalk ends.
Nancy: I know. I'm a girl.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 6: "A Modest Proposal"

Nancy [to Andy on phone next to him]: Come and see me. Hope you're good. And please don't have a scraggly moonshiner beard unless you plan on starting a cult. In which case, go beard
 • Rating: Unrated

Nancy: You're guzzling coffee?
Shane: Ignacio says it puts hair on you chest
Nancy: Right and spinach gives you instant muscles and an anchor tattoo
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Nancy [talking about the ring from Esteban]: You notice anything different? about my hand?
Shane: Oh yeah. he said he was going to ask you.
Nancy: He told you?
Shane: We had an hombre to hombre talk... much respect... I'm cool

 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 5: "Van Nuys"

Andy: We used to call [getting an abortion] "going to Van Nuys." Probably because the clinic was located in Van Nuys.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Your kid has a one in five chance of being Autistic - and I don't mean the cool kind of Autistic.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Season 5 Episode 4: "Super Lucky Happy"

Andy: Is it ok to impersonate your dead brother and pseudo-steal some money if you're gonna use the cash for the family's greater good?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Shane: You stuck your penis inside my mother at least once.
Nancy: Ok, then. Good night, Shane. Go upstairs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Silas: So, you're the mayor of Mexico or something?
Esteban: Or something, yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Celia: They were going to sell my gallbladder to the Japanese. Fortunately, my body is a toxic pit.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 3: "Su-Su-Sucio"

Jill [about Sucio]: I don't mean to be judgey, but where did she meet that guy? Home depot?
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: A Mexican gynco? Nanc, if you're putting together a mariachi band, yes, go Mexican. Down there, you want a Jew.
 • Rating: Unrated

Nancy [about Sucio]: Is it too much to ask him to shower?
Cesar: He's comfortable with his man smell, live with it
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 2: "Machetes Up Top"

Nancy: If something happens to me, you'll take care of this for Silas and Shane
Dean: If something happens? Where you going, skydiving?
Nancy: None of your business. Just make sure it all gets taken care of. I'm counting on you
Dean: Out of curiousity and of coruse self image, why me?
Nancy: Cause I trust you. Cause you're a parent. Cause you're the only person i could find on such short notice
 • Rating: Unrated

Nancy: You're religious?
Cesar: Selectively
Nancy: Right, the whole thou shalt not kill thing probably isn't work out that well for you, huh?
Cesar: and I support gay marriage
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 1: "Wonderful Wonderful"

Isabelle: Who was on the phone?
Dean: Someone's kidnapped your mother.
Isabelle: Seriously?
Dean: Who knows? Another game?
Isabelle: Sure.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Mr. Sandusky: Hello Shane. Doing your reading?
Shane: Mister Sandusky, er, did you actually read the Kiterunner before you assigned it?
Mr. Sandusky: I did, I thought you guys can handle it. Can you handle it, Shane? 'Cause it seems like you can handle a lot. You're such a multi-tasker.
Shane: I don't know what you're talking about.
Mr. Sandusky: Sure you do.
Shane: No, I don't.
Mr. Sandusky: Shane, I have 23 papers to grade tonight, they're all on Anne Frank. Do you know how depressing that is?
 • Rating: Unrated

Celia: That was humiliating.
Rudolfo: I know. I'm sorry, I could not untie you.
Celia: You're supposed to wipe front to back
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy [to Nancy]: You're a slutty, irresponsible, slutty slut.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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