Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
Wilfred

Shame is like having a daughter with red hair and freckles; you cannot let it become part of your life.

Being happy is just like being gay. It's a choice, that's why they mean the same thing.

A bone? That's like giving a basketball to a black guy.

Sometimes when I look at you, I can almost see a 10-foot tampon string hanging out of you.

Having fun, Ryan? Just another lazy Sunday watching porn with your lazy, rock hard neighbor.

I have a government job. All I do is watch porn!

Jesse

Here comes the part where he carries her into the house like a Viking on a rape quest. He's gonna wreck that, mate.

Not like I was gonna buy her. Last time I had Indian, it gave me the shits for a week.

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

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