Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
Wilfred

Sneakers is no one huh? Do you usually buy priceless jewelry for no one? Imitation, colored glass. Plastic painted to look like metal. This isn't some cheap made in China knock-off. This is made in Taiwan. You bastard! Keeping another dog on the side are ya?

Ryan: I killed him.
Wilfred: Oh, that's a relief.

After I went to sleep, you somehow managed to get some sort of homo chip planted in my brain.

I got it. It wasn't a homo chip. It was a glowing orb of gayness brought here by aliens that you summoned...

Now that I've met Raffie, how can I go back to bear? I mean bear did put me through obedience school, but does that mean I have to be unhappy for the rest of my life?

Catherine: Indian Chief, woo woo woo woo. That was a little racist but it was fun.
Wilfred: How is that racist? Indians do that all the time.

You know how creepy I find menopausal women.

Not like I was gonna buy her. Last time I had Indian, it gave me the shits for a week.

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

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