So did you hear the latest office gossip? Ryan the security guard quit his job because you're a giant douche-mobile. That's right, you're a douche on wheels. Or perhaps a decorative sculpture hanging above a baby douche's crib. The gossip didn't specify.

Linda
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Better Off Ted Season 2 Episode 7 Quotes

Every time I walk by the guy, he sucks me into a 15-minute conversation. You do that eight times a day, that adds up to... well, time I could be working on my math skills.

Ted

Phil: Okay, the bacteria are going for the bait. Insert the nano-grenade.
Lem: Did it explode?
Phil: Oh, my God. There's flagella everywhere. What have we done?

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