Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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So... in addition to my house, half my money, and my self-esteem, Judith got custody of all my friends

Alan

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Alan Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 1 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 1 Quotes

Back off, Mary Poppins

Sean Penn [to Alan]

Charlie: I'm just having some friends over to... smoke cigars, sample some fine single-malt Scotch, and, you know, talk.
Alan: I enjoy all those things. But Scotch makes me a little gassy, but I'll take a Beano and I'm good to go.