Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Alan: So, you know what the baby is?
Naomi: Well, I'm hoping for human.
Alan: Uh, no, no. I meant boy or girl?


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Related Quotes:
Alan Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 7 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 7 Quotes

Bertha: Come on here, zippy!
Alan [to Naomi]: Zippy is a name she calls me because I'm... quick! [to Berta]: What?!
Bertha: What do you think you are doing? I'm trying to teach that girl responsibility! I want her to make some money from a dignified job.
Alan: Oh, please, what dignity can a woman have from making laundry and cleaning toilets? ...I...I...I'll tell you what dignity! One really good one, the best there is. I take my hat off, and goodnight

Alan: When Judith was pregnant with Jake, I don't know if it was hormones or pheromones, but she just couldn't get enough of me. And ever since then, every time I see a pregnant woman I just... [lustful moan]
Charlie: Okay, seriously, you got to stop that.
Alan: I am telling you, it was nine months of the hottest sex we've ever had, even with the morning sickness and hemorrhoids.
Charlie: Oh. Maybe that explains Jake's grades.
Alan: The morning sickness and hemorrhoids?
Charlie: No, the repeated blows to his unformed head