Chevy Chase Quotes
Pierce: What do you want me to do?
Jeff: Stay alive...or don't!
Pierce: I'm on it!
Anything could happen between now and that dance. An asteroid could hit. Do you want to be the schmuck who apologizes right before the world ends?Pierce
The barber shop--a reminder of the era when men were men, and women were sex-cooks who did laundry.Pierce
You ask one lady if she's Tyler Perry in drag and suddenly you're the bad guy.Pierce
Pierce: Let's carve that jive turkey.
Shirley: Got that out of your system?
No one's even willing to consider that I might be the Hitler of the group?Pierce
Did you know that in ancient Greece, it was considered an honor to invite a person my age to a space convention?Pierce
Ghosts can't go through doors, stupid. They're not fire!Pierce
Pierce: If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old.
Jeff: No one's going to call you, Pierce.
Pierce: I'll give you the same advice my father gave me the night I lost my virginity: just pick one; they all cost the same.
Pierce: Who is the dumpling with the nice Asian pair?
Jeff: I think that's the first time sexism has made me hungry.
Jeff: I'd like to offer my sincere congratulations. It's hard enough to find people you can stand in this life, let alone someone willing to stomach your imminent dementia and present incontinence.
Pierce: Thank you, Jeff. I just hope she can satisfy me. I'm like an insatiable baboon in the bedroom.
Jeff: Don't sell yourself short. You're a baboon everywhere.