Britta: Jeff, why are people staring at you?
Jeff: Because they've never seen a man who's had sex before?

Quick impression--waaaa. Who am I? You guys.

Jeff

Carl, I see you've grown a new douchebag.

Jeff

I thought this was America, not Arizona.

Jeff

Damn them and their perfectly crafted time pieces!

Jeff

Jeff: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails.
Dean Pelton: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

Britta: Psychology tells us there are no accidents.
Jeff: What about car accidents, Tara Reid, or the Hindenburg?

William: So, how about we make a couple of ground rules.
Jeff: Actually, that sounds good. Okay, no hugs.
William: Wouldn't want one. No apologies.
Jeff: Wouldn't accept one.

I am not well-adjusted. More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. I am constantly texting...and there is no one at the other end.

Jeff

I'm gonna go get a sandwich, which, unlike "changnesia," is real.

Jeff

Hey Britta, where's Sophie B.? Is she backstage, drinking Zima and counting out Beanie Babies?

Jeff

As someone who faked being a lawyer for seven years, I appreciate your commitment to the bit.

Jeff

Community Quotes

Jeff: Everyone on this campus is nuts
Leonard [in pool]: Not me!
Jeff: Oh come on Leonard, if you're going to argue with me, put on a bathing suit
Leonard: Busted

I've loved you since there was only one Soviet Union and one Damon Wayans.

Andre