I don't go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he's pale and would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn't have that problem. Obviously.

Even though we're tiny bitches, I don't give a sh!t ... I will f*%kin' attack you like a squirrel monkey.

I'm not a guido. I'm a guidette.

Snooki: I'm not white.
Jenni: What are you?
Snooki: Tan.

The Situation: If you're hungry, try a snickers.
Snooki: Yeah, try me.

[on Angelina] You had my sloppy seconds. Good for you. And obviously you're loosey goosey because he got in it.

A crow comes and it starts quacking at us ... or not quacking, what does a crow do?

After I run for president, Deena is going to be vice-president. I would get $h!t done in this country. The economy would rise, everyone would be tan, and all the radios would play house music.

My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a nice, juiced, hot tanned guy and live my life.

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