Lem: These super-bagels are terrible. You can totally taste the high impact carbon.
Phil: That's because they're 98% high impact carbon. Whenever you go past 97%, it's hard to mask the taste.


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Better Off Ted Season 2 Episode 10 Quotes

Lem: Oh, my God. Maybe we're evil scientists.
Phil: (laughing manically) I'm sorry. I laugh like that when faced with an unpleasant truth. That's why I got thrown out of that Al Gore movie.

Lem: We don't create evil things.
Ted: Some might see this long-range people-skinning laser as evil-ish.
Phil: Well, that was only designed so you could peel an orange in your kitchen while sitting comfortably in your living room.
Ted: Well, now it's used to peel enemy soldiers overseas while you sit comfortably in the Pentagon.