Leslie [about a peach pit]: This is his ace of spades. This is his calling card. This is what he leaves all his victims. And it's still warm. OK, go arrest him and send this to the lab.
Dave: We don't have a lab.

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Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 7 Quotes

I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Jonas brothers make out with three Robert Pattisons. It was amazing.


Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens... pump your own stomachs this year!