Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

Charlie: Well, what if you were dating?
Alan: But I'm not.
Charlie: But what if it looked like you were dating?
Alan: Oh, oh, you mean-- no, no way. I-- I'm not gonna let you fix me up with one of your bimbo girlfriends.
Charlie: OK, forget it.
Alan: She'd have to be really pretty, like a... like a ten. And young, like a twenty.
Charlie: Anything else?
Alan: Uh, and smart. Uh, and a sense of humor's important. Uh, well-read, uh, good with kids, uh, non-smoking, of course... ooh, and, uh, easy on the piercings. Nothing south of the equator.
Charlie: You're mighty picky for a guy with an adult newsstand in his sock drawer


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Related Quotes:
Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 13 Quotes, Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 13 Quotes

Charlie [regarding the tongs]: Ah, you better use the wooden ones.
Judith: What's wrong with these?
Charlie: I use those whenever I drop my watch in the toilet.
Judith: This is a regular occurrence?
Charlie: You'd think I'd learn.
Judith: And you keep them in the kitchen?
Charlie: I used to hang them on a little hook in the bathroom, but it freaked some chicks out

Berta [regarding Judith]: What are you, a farm animal?
Charlie: What?
Berta: That is your brother's ex-wife out there.
Charlie: I know who she is. Oh, no, no. She's just staying here because of the earthquake. I'm not. I would never. I couldn't. [Charlie takes a peep at Judith on his deck in her bikini) Okay, maybe I could, but I'm not.
Berta: Yeah, that's what I used to say about my stepbrother, Cousin Dewey

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