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Alan: What do you want from me? I-- I went out to the club, I went to the after-hours club, I went out to breakfast! I held my date's hair while she vomited pancakes in the parking lot!
Charlie: Well, if you weren't whining about wanting to go home, you'd be having sex with her right now.
Alan: Oh, darn. What man doesn't dream of kissing second-hand pancakes?