Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

When we were kids, Charlie told his friends that I was a shaved monkey our mom won in a poker game

Alan [to Rose]

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Related Quotes:
Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 20 Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 2 Episode 20 Quotes

Charlie: You're like an Alzheimer's patient in a whorehouse.
Alan: What do you mean?
Charlie: You're constantly surprised that you're getting screwed, and you don't want to pay for it

Charlie: So what should we do with Jake today?
Alan: I don't know. How about a barbecue?
Charlie: Gee, Alan, I don't know. The kid is delicious, but I think I'd prefer hamburgers

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