Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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You don't dry clean a rented tuxedo. You don't redecorate a hotel room. You don't order cable for a port-a-potty...unless you're really, really drunk. And you don't take on the bills of a girl that's got the attention span of a monkey chewing on a fly swatter

Charlie

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Charlie Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 18 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 3 Episode 18 Quotes

Alan [about Kandi]: She looks up to me. She thinks I'm special. She thinks I'm smart.
Charlie: She thinks gazpacho is Pinocchio's father

Charlie: What are you auctioning?
Alan: Well, a few rare books, a couple of lithos, a set of golf clubs...
Charlie: Since when do you play golf?
Alan: Uh, well, technically, they're your clubs.
Charlie: You're stealing from me?!
Alan: Oh, come on, you only bought 'em so you could go to Palm Springs and pick up lesbians!