Charlie: You ever wonder why I never played in a band?
Alan: I just figured you were already getting laid so much, being in a rock band would seem redundant.

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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 8 Quotes

Alan: (surprised look) They love him! How can they love him?
Artie: Who cares, we're gonna make a fortune.
Alan: Doesn't it bother you that he's loaded?
Artie: (shrugs) He's a musician. It'd bother me if he wasn't.

(to Berta) I just don't understand what kind of spiteful god could allow my drunken whoremonger of a brother to become a children's singing star while I toil away in poverty-stricken anonymity.