Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Charlie: You're supposed to meet her there.
Alan: Why?
Charlie: What do you mean, "Why?" You're gonna break up with her and then drive her home? You'll need the Jaws of Life to get her out of your car.
Alan: You didn't say anything about that.
Charlie: It's common sense. Do you know why Custer and Sitting Bull didn't share a pony to Little Big Horn? Because they knew there were gonna be hurt feelings, and the ride home would be awkward!


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Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 11 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 11 Quotes

Jake: In ultimate fighting they kick, they elbow, they get a guy down and smash his head in the floor. These guys just dance around and barely hit each other.
Charlie: Okay, okay, listen to me. Boxing is a science. Boxers don't just wail on each other: they strategize, feel each other out, wait for an opening.
Jake: Gay.

I once handed a date my Visa so she could pump gas for me, and on my next statement, there were charges for a boob job and a PlayStation 3. And I never got to play with either one of them.

Charlie